It’s tough growing up, sometimes. You look to the adults to give you what you need and want. But, you must understand that they are in pain, and often unable to cope with life in healthy, loving ways.
There are so many things you need to know:
Little Lisa, you’ve no idea how loved you are. How smart, beautiful, creative, capable, and special you are and will always be. Your confusion and pain cloud the truth – that you are so dearly loved.
You did nothing wrong and are not at fault. Others put the blame on you to divert attention from their flaws and failures. As long as they focus on something else, they don’t have to look at, address , or take responsibility for their own poor decisions and unhappiness. They are not your responsibility, so no blame lies with you. You were only a girl doing your best to be happy despite your environment. Blame is the language of victimhood which doesn’t allow one to take responsibility.
Though they lied to you, those lies weren’t meant for you; the sad truth is, they were actually lying to themselves. And they still are.
There is a great deal of truth and wisdom in “I’m rubber, you’re glue – everything you say bounces off of me and sticks to you!” The many times you were told that you were undeserving, they were feeling undeserving, and wanted you to be more like them. But the truth is, you deserve everything you want, all the wonderful things that life has to offer.
They try and try to make you feel small, bad, guilty, in order to make themselves feel better. What they are really doing is projecting their own smallness on to you. You now know who you are, and can firmly grasp what belongs to you, and what is not yours.
Excuses are the language of the apathetic. They would rather complain and make excuses than make an effort to change.
All those things you want to do and be, you can do and be! Nothing is stopping you. You are limitless despite being taught otherwise. Those teachings are fallible, and therefore don’t apply to you. Refuse to listen to those voices that hold you back or tell you that you can’t do something. That independent, rebel spirit inside – this is where you apply it to get past a lifetime of negative messages. Rebel against “you can’t.” Rebel against so-called limitations. Fuck what other people think.
Some people are so used to darkness, because it’s all they know. It becomes comfortable, familiar, safe. When you shine the brilliant, beautiful light within you, they become scared. They think that light will hurt them. And, they know that the light will shine on their lies. When light reveals the truth, then it means people have to change. And for some reason people are afraid of change. Shine your light in your own, beautiful, bright and shiny way. And embrace changes, because that’s how you grow and evolve as a person.
So, forgive them and love them anyway. They can no longer hurt you, because you have the power to set boundaries. This new power is what protects you and all you hold dear. It lets people know that they can’t lie and hurt you any longer.
I am your mother now. – the adult you. I am here to give you everything that you never had – all the love, protection, guidance, attention, affection, the gifts, joy, fun, truth – everything your heart desires. I love you. I recognize the bright light inside you, and want to nurture that light to shine as bright as possible. I will hold you and ensure that you know you are always loved.
Don’t linger any longer on the hurt, their shortcomings, or the things they aren’t capable of giving you. Don’t give over to bitterness and resentment. To do so would make you just like them. Instead, be grateful for learning how not to be, for learning to be independent, self-sufficient, for being sensitive, for rising way above their circumstances.
You’ve done very well for yourself. And, you’ve done it without their help. You have a great life steeped in meaning and love. You are truly amazing, and have such a wonderful life ahead.
I love you.
A word about healing your inner child.
The most important part is loving yourself. Give yourself all the love, emotional support, forgiveness, protection, and parenting you were missing as a child. Keep pictures of yourself at different ages around or on your altar. Do things specifically for your inner child, like eating her favorite food, or listening to her favorite music. Talk to her, often. Be gentle. This work is a lifetime endeavor.