Inner Authority

Inner Authority

Speaking my truth is a practice in integrity. It’s part of how I transmit energy and understanding born of intense study, practice, and life experience.

While I was born with a renegade spirit, rebellious to the core, questioning, fiercely independent, I fought hard to claim my Inner Authority.

Outer authority (to my rebel soul) is something to be questioned, confronted, held to account, and railed against when it’s not born of Service, true justice, or when it doesn’t make sense in a feeling, embodied way. Those times when something just feels :off:.

Over time and with great dedication to growth and self-knowledge, I’ve learned and experienced many things that have moved from “intelligent, head knowledge” to full-blown, embodied, deeply anchored truth.

At times I find that my truths align with the Truth. Especially when lived and breathed repeatedly. There are (more and more often, lately) many times when my personal, subjective truth aligns with objective, universal Truth. And, I’m all for lining up with what is True and speaking to it, honoring it, sharing it, ANCHORING it.

During this era we are living, what is Truth versus what is true, are constantly in question. In some ways I see this as a time of revelation- not in the biblical sense – but in the ways that we are all learning to become adept at discernment and our own analysis.

It’s ultimately the search for deeper meaning and the crucial use of our critical thinking faculties. We are coming into our own belief systems, forming those structures, dismantling what’s not aligned or ill-informed.

I suspect we will be in this inquiry for a long while.

If you’re like me, you began that inner conversation at a young age and never stopped questioning authority or weighing out your beliefs. Not just those narratives we’ve been taught or had imposed upon us, or the stories we make up in our heads about things, but hardcore, deeper-than-your-bones, truths.

A personal irony is that my rebelliousness being at odds with authority, I’ve come to deeply honor and respect my own Inner Authority. I come from the place where “I” have lived and learned and embody what it is that I share. It’s so firmly – powerfully – rooted that I literally feel it as energy in my body. The kind of energy that makes me stand taller, rolls my shoulders down and back, and leads me forward from a grounded connection to the Earth.

From a young age, my outspoken nature has been problematic. As a child it was problematic for me in not conforming while also desiring to be liked/loved. My mouth got me in trouble often. Maturity, thankfully, has a way of killing off that indoctrination of needing to be liked and “pleasing” to others, so as not to offend them.

There was a great sense of freedom that overcame me when I decided to stop trying to please others and instead, commit to my own happiness. I started asking myself what I wanted and making it happen.

In our culture children are often taught not to speak except when spoken to, and girls are to be sweet, docile and pleasing. So when a girl or woman speaks out, it’s still considered audacious.

“Who is she to say that/do that?”

“Who does she think she is?”

I mean, just think about recent history and politics as examples of how a bold woman speaking truth, gets blasted for using her intelligence and voice with firmly rooted, personal agency.

Another irony is that as someone firmly committed to standing powerfully in my truth, I sometimes trigger people. Over the years some beautiful souls have vulnerably expressed their triggered responses to me just being myself. They articulate a simultaneous attraction and repulsion to the way I speak, move, and BE (show up) in the world. My audacity to say what I think, share what I know, confidently.

I’ve even been accused of forcing my truth upon others. Funny thing, that. It’s seems to be the projection of All of Western Society right now, huh?

I will always share what I know and what I have learned in the interest of helping others inform their own understandings. We share with one another and find resonance, or not. We take in what is said and weigh it against what we’ve come to understand or how it feels in our body – how another’s truth “lands” inside us. It’s a valuable, connected way to learn our own way through life while witnessing the path of another.

You know what else? I’m a teacher.

But more than that, I’m a hardcore, avid student of life.

One of my personal happy places is going down a long, winding research rabbit hole.

Here’s something I know as well; as I learn-grow-discern-dismantle, I am aware that my truths may change. They may grow stronger. They may be thrown out entirely. I may have a profound epiphany that shatters a view or understanding I’ve held and informs a whole new perspective. I freakin’ LIVE for those moments. Though often, there are more subtle shifts and gleanings that stack up over time.

Something I find melancholy is that as I’ve grown and matured, there are fewer elders I can turn to. They are passing on the mantle to folks like me, and are scarce to find. I’ve come to see so many peer relationships as the key to this longing for an elder to turn to; in sharing with others, they often hold a piece of understanding and experience that is the precise piece I needed to full out the picture in my own puzzle. I love that! And am eternally grateful for these beautiful conversations. (You know who you are)

If my strong Inner Authority (or anyone else’s for that matter) gives you pause or causes you to bristle, I wonder, can you be curious about that?

Does it make sense to check in with your own Inner Authority and glean what’s at work beneath the surface?

How do stand in your truth?

I stand in my authority and integrity the way that I do it. Not the way someone else does. You have that same choice – to decide how you embody your own authority and integrity and move through the world with it.

And I think there’s nothing more powerful or stunning than that.